Airports are really, really dull aren’t they? Ok, so you can look round the shops, sniff the perfume and get snarled at by the security guards – but surely for something so amazing, shouldn’t flying be a bit more, well, fun?
Image greatly admired from xkcd – we love their cartoons
We at fiveam think so and with our geeky travel hats on, we came up with a list of things that they (whoever they are) can do to make the whole ‘getting up and travelling to your destination thing’ more fun. And well, if you have to use magic or technology from science fiction – so what.
1 – Beaming
This would pretty much get rid of the whole airport thing, but how cool would it be that instead of having an en-suite bathroom you have a beaming room? Go anywhere in the world, and beam onto space ships even at warp. But beware, the room has to be completing insect free, otherwise you may end up looking like Jeff Goldblum.
2 – Security checks in ball pools
How much more fun would that be? Instead of having to take off you shoes, and feel that you’ll be locked in a cell and ‘interrogated’ for days, why not fall into a ball of big balls. The balls would have some sort of nano-technology sensors in them to frisk them. It would diffuse tension and deter terrorists – who would want to destroy a country if they searched you in such a fun way?
Try and not smile when you're in there...it's impossible!
3 – Travel in tubes
Favourites of those great thinkers, Jack Black and the Great Matt Groening – think of a series of massive, sucky water slides taking you through the atlantic and pacific. That would be cool. Although, there could be downsides. I mean – where would you go to the bathroom? The person behind you would not be that happy.
4 – Travalators that run at 50mph
What’s the point of the airport travaltors that are actually slower than the ‘larger than life’ woman from Texas going up the hill in 100F? Wouldn’t it be cool if they went at 50mph? That would be so cool. You could leave it to the final minutes before the plane took off lay down and go for it, toboggan style. 100metres in 9.58 secs? Pah!
5 – Food and drink that tastes good
Well, perhaps that’s a bridge too far, considering the other things on this list
"Food"
6 – Clear floors in planes
Perhaps not the best for the fly-a-phobes amongst us. But for the people who realise that it’s pretty amazing that we fly through the air at 500mph, wouldn’t it be cool to see the clouds. It’ll be like flying in ice cream.
That'll stop you being bored!
7 – Children kept in pens
Got a bad back when flying? Yeah – that’s because little Randy has decided that he’s bored with his PSP, DS and iPod Touch Apps and wants to back to the classic way of entertaining himself – yeah that’s right – he wants to kick your chair for next 7 hours of the flight. You know what would make flying more fun? Treat kids like animals – sedate them and keep them in pens in the hold. Perfect.
Stay in there till Newark!
8 – Everyone gets a chance to fly the plane
Probably a bit risqué in this day and age – but it would be fun, wouldn’t it? Form an orderly queue outside of the cabin and each one gets a chance to do a loop the loop, hard right – anything – to fight the boredom. One drawback would be that if you keep spinning about up there, someone’s going to lose their dentures and you may not get to your destination in time.
9 – Friendly security staff with a sense of humour
Nah – scrub that one – like the food one it’s just too far fetched.
Can you detect life in this picture?
10 – Mile High Service Centres
Single? Can’t get a date? Work in IT? If you answered yes to the final question, you’d probably jump at the chance to join the mile high service centres. Erm, professional ladies will be waiting in hygienic booths to let you experience the benefits of the Mile High club. At the end, you’ll get a certificate – but that’s all!
But if they flew Ryanair, it would be rubbish
11 – Holodeck planes
Can’t come up with material to pad out a sci-fi episode! All head to the holo-deck! The same principles apply for plane passengers. Imagine being able to get off with Counsellor Troi or Captain Janeway on your trip to Newark? That’ll be cool. Although they may come alive and kill you, that’s always a risk.
Have you got any ideas to make travel a bit easier and more fun? What do you want? Let us know!
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
I would like to see all aircraft install foot deodorisers – perhaps just beneath the pocket where they pop the in-flight magazine.
Lots of people take their shoes off on airplanes, and there’s always someone with feet that smell like Epoisses de Bourgogne or perhaps even Vieux Boulogne.
And I’m normally sat right next to them.
However with the handy built in foot deodoriser busily neutralising cheesy niffs throughout the flight everyone would be much happier.
Alternatively, people could – I don’t know – WASH! Or maybe keep their shoes on? But alas like points 5 and 9 I’m guessing that’s just too far fetched and revolutionary an idea.
Nice one Hannah – thanks for that! Perhaps you could get some of that bowling ball spray that you step on when you walk onto the plane?
Failing that, get the Air Staff to have to get people to put in a request to take off their shoes and then have to get three people to sniff their feet to ok it. Hmmm. Bit complicated that one!